THIS IS A JOKE. It is part of our April Fools Day edition.

In an attempt to generate revenue for Lake Superior State’s many scholarship programs, the schools board of administrators has voted in a 4-3 decision to allow the sale of tobacco products back on campus. Cigarettes and chewing tobacco will be available for purchase in The Galley and the Campus Shoppe sometime in the fall of the 2008 semester. Cigarettes and chewing tobacco were once sold one campus until they were prohibited due to state regulations in 1987.

School officials also believe that allowing the sale of cigarettes back on campus will boast enrollment because they feel it allows students to have even more freedom to choose. Another thought behind the idea that the “Powers-that-Be” have cooked up is that if students are kept on campus, the more money they will spend in stores, mainly The Galley. “I’m going to buy cigarettes one way or the other, I think the idea of selling them on campus is the best idea the administration has had since I’ve been here,” said Lake State junior  Nick Prise, and avid cigarette smoker.  Besides the idea of generating revenue and increasing enrollment, there is an even simpler notion behind the idea. People are going to smoke or chew, no matter what laws are around to prohibit the habit, so why not save everybody the burden of making a trip to the store to buy when you might as well do it here?  

There is a catch, however. The cigarettes being sold at varies locations across campus will have a raised tax on them, as part of the revenue generating ploy brought on by the State. Some packs of smokes could climb to as high as $ 6.25 per pack, but if your willing to ante up the cash, buy away, the school will not mind a bit.

Another idea set to be voted upon next week is the construction of 5-7 “Smoking Stations” to be erected across campus. These “Smoking Stations” are meant to shield smokers from the sporadic weather elements this campus usually experiences. Furthermore, by sheltering smokers, non-smokers can walk in peace from class to class, shielded from the second hand smoke believed to cause respiratory damage.  The designated areas will look much similar to typical bus stop booths, except labeled to indicate their appropriate use. While the locations of these “stations” is still undetermined, it is almost certain there will be one placed on the Brady lawn, in front of the west entrance, and on the sidewalk right outside of the Quarterdeck. Curtis Parson, a resident of Brady hall had this to say while taking another puff of his Marlboro Light cigarette, “I’ve wanted somewhere to smoke since the day I got here, being from down south I’m not use to all of this snow. These shelters are going to be something special.”

The idea of bringing back freedom of choice to the Lake State campus is just another example of how this university is leaps and bounds in from of other institutions in student-administration relationships. So as you finish reading this article, take pride in knowing this university does a superb job giving the students what they want and deserve.